Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
