i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize