She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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