i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
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He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
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Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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