he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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