He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
