I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The adults are the big ones right?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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