i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize