His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
