I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
