When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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