i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
