You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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