I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
