I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
