What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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