My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
