just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
