I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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