I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize