I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
