just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
