everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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