It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
