dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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