You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
