he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
wow bdsm is so cute
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