Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
