I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
This house was built for laser tag.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
