I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
