I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
