I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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