Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
