yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
