dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
