Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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