Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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