i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
