K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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