Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
