so let's talk penis.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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