ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
