yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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