My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
