and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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