how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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