Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
