I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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