So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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