grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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