just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
