How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
