I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
