hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
