I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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