he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
