I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
