last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
