I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
