Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
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OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
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Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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