Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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