fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
its not stalking. its research.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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