i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
