If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
