I'm sorry my penis didn't work
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
