I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
