I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
