Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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