He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
