help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
