my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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