soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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