I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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