you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
