i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
