I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
dude. I can hear the air.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
