You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He is an equal opportunity slut.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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