i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wish you could order shots online.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well I just put wine in my tea
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
