She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
