So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
