Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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